Memories stoked by twilight
have power to warm a chilled heart.
Dreams long buried, forgotten,
still breathe 'neath the stars.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Starlit Dreams (a dodoitsu)
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- SUSAN SONNEN
- Chicago, Illinois, United States
- ~poet ~playwright ~short story writer
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4 comments:
Interesting form!
A Definition
Dodoitsu is a four line Japanese poetic form; the syllable count for the lines is 7-7-7-5 onji. No rhyme or meter is used and any subject is acceptable. In Japanese the word dodoitsu refers to a folk-song of work or love.
from The World Haiku Review
The dodoitsu is one of my favorite poetic forms.
This is what I have against form. You've had to contract 'beneath' and lost the alliteration that would have come with it. Try reading the line both ways (out loud) and you'll see what I mean.
Jim, you are right. Again. Darn you!
This is one that should I print it elsewhere, I will add the 'be'. That phoneme does make all of the difference when the poem is read aloud.
I remember writing this in 2006 and struggling to follow the form with that final line. The following year I loosened up. I would begin writing according to a given form, but if the words felt (sounded) better with syllabic additions or subtractions, I would go with it and emancipate the poem. Get it? Free verse! :) I crack myself up!
Thank you, Jim.
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